Yesterday night changed my perspective on so many things, I feel everyone has one of those moments when a sudden realization hits them! When You realize How wrong you were, when you realize how quickly time would fly by. This was not the first time for me to have this realization. I have always been a space enthusiast and a physics lover, so naturally I have always pondered upon how big this universe is and how short our life time is, and how it would never be enough to even explore the entire local group. So no it was definitely not my first time realizing how short my life is or how precious my time is. I feel during lockdown a lot of us tend to go and have already gone into those over-thinking, slacking from work spirals and when you realize a month passed by and you have not done anything concrete. It’s especially easy to do with all the classes being online, teachers being lenient and when no one is there to check on you. When you are the only one accountable for whatever you have to do. Despite being a productivity enthusiast and an overachiever most of my life, I have been guilty of falling into one of these downward spirals last month.
For someone else I might seem as an effective person as hell! No I am not trying to flex just to give you an idea -recently I got accepted for a Harvard Conference, been that kid who always answers in online classes, participating in various competitions, winning various competitions, became the curriculum director of WASI ( an organization which focuses on empowerment of women in STEM fields). All of this happened last month, and all this is enough to even convince a stranger how productive I have been recently. But if I had to take this upon myself to ask, was I being productive? My answer would be no! I know from within I have not been giving my best, I know where I lacked and yes I am very well aware that I could have done way more! Way more than I did last month. The external eyes always see you on stage in all your glory but it’s only you who has seen yourself backstage. And No! as I had seen myself backstage I do know I did not rehearse enough. No! I was not suffering from depression and No! I was not having any stress either. In fact it was the other way around. I was having no stress at all!
I would say Last month was when I just procrastinated in a lot of things, I didn’t follow my routine, I didn’t meditate even or wrote in by gratitude journals-some things that I take very seriously in my life! But then again I did fall into one of those downward spirals of procrastination. But the question is do I regret not being a productivity freak last month? In all honesty initially I did, Yes I did regret not sticking to my routine, not doing things that I have engineered myself to do and no, I personally feel living an undisciplined life is not okay. I know we all should give ourselves that liberty to laze around and yes I am still trying to come in terms with that notion however as of today, I still can’t fully embrace the idea. So for me initially yes I was in regret and not finding the situation “okay” enough to let go but I learnt from it and that makes it okay! I feel till the time you learn from anything you are always winning! Whether that be, even failure — if you have learnt from it, then it was not a failure — it was a win!
So in a nutshell I would say I am victorious, I did win. I learnt that if I let go of my pillars in my routine-such as meditation, journaling, waking up early — it becomes very easy to fall in a spiral of laziness and procrastination. However I am glad that I made that mistake, it taught me so much! A lesson that I will probably remember a lifetime and in case I forget I would not regret making this mistake again and re-learning from it! This instance did motivate me. In Fact it motivated and fueled me enough to write my first blog post! Please tell me what you thought of my ideas and yes I am still extremely new at it so please shower me with some love ❤
Vaibhavi Jha ( an extremely passionate sixteen year old, excited to share her ideas with the world)
